CSI

IM good at my maths,science, english...wad do u thing i could be when i grow up.....O i noe a CSI thn mayb they'll make a movie about me in MIAMI or mayb i could b a mentilist..but thn i hav 2 dye my hair blonde.would'nt tt make me a dumb blonde? HMMMMppppp...its pretty confusing....... Xp

pig stand

HAve u seen a pig stand?

Gimme a high five, gimme a ten

TT how a pig stand...XD

THE HULK

wads green n smelly?
ANS: THE HULK fart!!!

I dun wan!!

wife:HOney we r going 2 church no matter wad excuses u give....

husband:I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell

(ps..a joke is a joke,u dun hav 2 learn fr it)

i dun feel good...

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!!!

women

the new guy: SIR,SIR,SIR, ru sure tt wad u spose 2 do?it sounds pretty complicated...

the old dude;"Well you know boys, this job is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."

INTERNET???

salesdude: Sir, i would suggest u d new 5000 electro metro comp.Its d only comp tt can type letter,save ur doc,play vid,music, taking picture,play games,....
Costomer:So...it can do everything?
Salesdude: well yes, bt it oso can surf d net...
Customer:they have INTERNET on computer,now?

Baaaaaad christian

this is a prayer of a bad christian...pls dun learn fr it....

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:

You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

LIFE is not easy~

father:Son, life is not easy u have 2 work hard 4 it..now shut up im waiting 4 d lottery results

BLACK n WHITE

whats d oldest animal in d world?
ANS: Zebra...coz its black n white

SHAKE,SHAKE,SHAKE

WHAT do u call when u shake a cow?
ans: MILKSHAKE!!!
shaken by SHAKESPEAR...

WAAA

one day, an American dude try durian 4 d 1st time in his life... he commented "yucks!!! tis taste like hell!!" his malaysian friend answer" waa, u americans ar, been everywhere b4 wan!!"

Once upon a time, there was a policeman that saw a man sitting in a car with a tiger sitting next 2 him. The police officer said, "It's against the law to have a tiger in your car. Take him 2 dzoo."

d next day d police officer saw d same man in the same car with d same tiger. The police officer said, "I thought I told you to take that tiger to the zoo."

d man replied, "I did. He liked it. Now we're going to the beach."

broken windows

"dude, where's ur hse?"
"jz a stone throw away fr here"
"OH,which wan ar?"
"the wan wif BROKEN WINDOWS"

Give it up

Mr. TEE was sat beside a stranger at her best friend weeding dinner. the stanger next 2 him was smoking. Mr tee said "Smoking makes me sick" the guy next 2 him said" well, i suggest u should give it up"

dad bring me a drink

little boy was sent 2 bad by his father.
5mins later..."DAd!"
"What"
"im thristy.Can i hav a drink?"
"no! u had ur chance.lights out!"
5mins later..."dad!"
"What!"
"im thristy.Can i have a drink?"
"i told u no! if u ask again im goin 2 spank u"
5min later..."D-a-a-a-D"
"What?"
"when u come in to spank me,can u bring a glass of water?"

wad time is it now?

A blonde was told tt it was 4:45pm. she was confused n she told her fren "i ask every1 d exact same quest n all of them gave me diffrent answer!!!!"

where do i jump off d building?

Quest: when a blonde n a brunette jump off a building, who would jump off 1st?

ans: brunette. bcoz d blonde needs 2 ask direction 2 jump off d building

math problems

a guy would say: A women is like a math problem, u hav 2 study it, understand it, thn u can solve it

a girl would say: A guy is like a math problem, u jz need a technic thn u can solve it!!!!

laugh wif ur pastor nt at him!!!

After d morning service, a sweet little boy, when 2 d pastor and said" when i grow up im gonna give u money" d pastor smiled, n said" well tq young wan, but may i ask y?" d boy smile n said " coz my daddy said u r wan of d POOREST preacher ever"

nice to see u 2!!!!

A newly graduated pastor,volunteer 2 visit a prison 2 reach out d lost souls. HE was young, wif no experience, was nevouse. so he went 2 d chapel wif high hopes n full of confidence,smiling like a big schmuck....he said out loud 2 all d other prisoners "Good morning Everybody!!! Nice 2 c u here"